


Doppelganger

by Quilly



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Gen, Halloween Special, afterthought daverezi, crackfic extraordinaire, hussie forgive me for i have sinned, not really the focus though
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-10-11
Updated: 2015-10-11
Packaged: 2018-04-25 20:21:34
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 731
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4975186
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Quilly/pseuds/Quilly
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Dave walks into a Halloween party and is scarred for life.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Doppelganger

**Author's Note:**

> an idea from my roommate that ran wild. i'm so sorry.

Your name is Dave Strider and something’s afoot.

 

Besides John, you mean, who dressed up as a giant foot for pun reasons. This kid will never be cool. He is a god of dorkiness. You look up to the sky and shed a single manly tear for the unironic beauty of it all.

No, you’re more worried by the fact that Rose and Jade are both grinning like a couple of cats on LSD. To say nothing of the fact that Rose is a sexy tentacular horrorterror for the eighth year running and Jade is a sexy witch. Why are they both sexy? This will be a question for the philosophers. You have a sign around your neck that reads “nudist on strike” and that’s as Halloween as you get, thanks.

“Come on, we’re going to be late!” Jade says, her claws latched around your arm as she tugs you onward, but you keep cool (or as cool as you can get with a literal giant foot following behind explaining the joke to people. No, John, Big Foot isn’t cool, never was cool, it’s not even that funny, oh my gog why did you laugh so hard when you first saw him now his ego will never deflate).

“The party wouldn’t start without us,” Rose says serenely. “Cross here, please.”

You thought this was happening at Karkat’s apartment, but you have been bamboozled, Strider. Welp. That building definitely isn’t an apartment. It looks more like a clubhouse, one of those fancy neighborhood clubhouse buildings but not fancy. Also there are people inside. Lots of red and white, the glass is frosted so you can’t tell what they’re supposed to be. Some kind of group costume? Did they all decide to dress up as Little Red Riding Hood?

“After you,” Rose says, opening the door. You take three steps in, stop, and your cool is shattered. Your jaw hits floor. The impact reverberates through the earth’s core and out the other side. Millions just died in the tsunami erupting from the middle of the ocean.

Everyone— _literally everyone_ —is dressed like Sexy Dave. There are vague approximations of your hair and your shades and your clothes everywhere. There are also visible g-strings and garter belts and way too much midriff and thigh showing. And cleavage. Good lord, the cleavage. Karkat, sipping punch and scratching at his wig. Eridan, adjusting his miniskirt. Sollux, surely giving himself a thong wedgie as he pulls the strings up over his hipbones. Gamzee with his shades up on his head, grinning at nothing. Equius, even, with lace stockings, how could he. Nepeta, in a tube top. Aradia, with a watch nestled in her bosom _how even_. Kanaya, in a tasteful bustier and fishnets. Feferi, in a Dave bikini. Terezi, surprisingly non-revealing in just a t-shirt and jeans, what the heck. Vriska, talking loudly about how long it took her to hand-stitch your face onto her booty shorts.

 _Everyone_.

You stagger backwards as twelve sexy Daves turn towards you. Your mouth is dry. Your knees are weak. Whose idea was this. Who would possibly—

“Sup, bro!” someone says next to you, and you jump. John and Jade and Rose changed somehow while you were distracted. They are now sexy Dave. Why. Why is everyone Sexy Dave. Why is John in cut-off jeans and a low-cut top with your record emblazoned on it. Why does Rose pull off the shades better than you. Why is Jade’s hair sticking out from under her wig, hasn’t she ever heard of wig caps?

You look at the scene, and decide there is only one way to solve this.

You take off your “nudist on strike” sign.

You take off your shirt.

You take off your pants.

“No one is allowed to be a sexier Dave than me,” you say, and hook your thumbs in the waistband of your boxers.

The sight of fifteen Daves lurching at you at once will haunt your nightmares, but it’s worth it. Serves them right, looking so fine and surprising you like that.

It’s the twistiest Halloween you have ever encountered. You are certain this was John’s idea. John and Rose and possibly Terezi, since she makes no bones about wanting to jump yours later. It’s a little weird when she’s wearing a blond wig and your actual literal clothes.

(She wins for sexiest Dave. It’s her.)


End file.
